this Doctor!!

Q: Doctor,  I’ve heard that  cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?  A: Your  heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it…  don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.  Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend  the life of your car by driving it faster.

to live longer? 
Take a  nap.  
Q: Should  I cut  down on meat and  eat more fruits and  vegetables?   A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies.  What does a cow eat?   Hay and corn.
And what are these?  Vegetables.  So a steak is nothing more  than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your  system.   
grain?    Eat chicken.    Beef is also a good source of field grass  (green leafy ).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of  vegetable  products.  
Q: Should  I reduce my  alcohol intake?  

A:  No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms  up!  

Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat ratio?  

A: Well,  if you have a body and you have  fat, your ratio is one to one.  If you have two bodies, your  ratio is two to one, etc.  

Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?  

A: Can’t  think of a single one, sorry.  My  philosophy is: No Pain…Good!

Q:  Aren’t  fried  foods bad for you?  

A:  YOU’RE NOT  LISTENING!!! …..  Foods are fried these days in  vegetable oil.
In fact,  they’re permeated in it.  How could getting more vegetables be bad for  you?  

 YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q:  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the  middle?  

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You  should only be  doing sit-ups if you want a bigger  stomach.  

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?  

A:  Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!  

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?  

A:  If  swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.  

Q:  Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?  

A:  Hey!  ‘Round’ is a shape!  

Well,  I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.  

And  remember:

‘Life should  NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving  safely in an attractive and well preserved  body, but rather  to skid in sideways –  A glass of wine  in one  hand – chocolate in  the other – body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and screaming ‘WOO  HOO, What a  Ride’


For  those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final  word on and . It’s a relief to know the  truth after all those conflicting nutritional  studies.  

1. The Japanese eat  very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than  Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.  

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and  suffer fewer heart attacks than  Americans.

4. The  Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.  

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than  Americans.  


Eat and drink what you like. 

Speaking English is apparently what kills you……………………………!




“Everyone wants to be appreciated, so if you appreciate someone, don’t keep it a secret.” ~  Ash   1915-2001,    Founder of Cosmetics