A Stunning Senior Moment

  A Stunning Senior Moment   A self-important college freshmen walking along the beach took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen resting on the steps why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.  ”You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one”, the student said loud enough for others to hear. The GEN Y & Z  grew up with:- colour television, CABLE TV, APPLE TV NETFLIX, superfast jet planes, space travel, men walking on the moon, people having the ability to go to space themselves. “We have nuclear energy, ships and cell phones, CABLE & NBN Internet, computers, tablets and ipads millions of apps,  Cars that park and drive themselves and so much more.” After a brief silence, the senior citizen responded as follows: “You’re right son. We didn’t have those things when we were young, so we invented them.>>>

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HOW TO MAKE A MAN / WOMAN HAPPY

HOW TO MAKE A MAN / WOMAN HAPPY   HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Feed him 2. Sleep with him 3. Leave him with peace 4. Don’t check his phone (Msgs) 5. Don’t bother him with his movements So what’s so hard about that?   “He had heard that women often love plain ordinary men, but he did not believe it, because he judged by himself and he could only love beautiful mysterious exceptional women.”   ~ Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy       HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY It’s really not too difficult but… To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a plumber 10. a mechanic 11. a carpenter 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist>>>

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Fascinating TOMBSTONE quotes

Fascinating TOMBSTONE quotes Sir John Strange; Here lies an honest lawyer, And that is Strange. — Tombstone in England I was somebody. Who, is no business Of yours. — Vermont As the flowers are all made sweeter by the sunshine and the dew, So this old world is made brighter by the lives Of folks like you. — Bonnie Parker (Bonnie and Clyde) Here lies Lester Moore; Four slugs from a .44; No Les No More. — Tombstone Arizona John Brown is filling his last cavity. — Dentist’s Tombstone I told you that I was sick! — Georgia Cemetary, USA Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake; Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. — Pennsylvania Tombstone, USA Remember man, as you walk by, As you are now, so once was I, As I am now, so shall you be, Remember this and follow me. — Tombstone in England>>>

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THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!

THE SPOILED UNDER 30 CROWD !!! If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears With their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning       … Uphill… barefoot. BOTH ways Yadda, yadda, yadda And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, There was no way in hell I was going to lay A bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it And how easy they’ve got it! But now that… I’m over the ripe old age of Thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my Childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids>>>

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“Your secret about you” & 7%

  “Your secret about you”    7%  A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, ‘Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.’ The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man’s mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their>>>

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Classic Insights: I love first graders

Classic Insights: I love first graders Today’s Humor… 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders    Their insight may surprise you.  While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!  1.  Don’t change horses  until they stop running.  2.  Strike while the  bug is close.  3.  It’s always darkest before  Daylight Saving Time.  4.  Never underestimate the power of  termites..  5.  You can lead a horse to water but  How?  6.  Don’t bite the hand that  looks dirty. 7.  No news is  impossible  8.  A miss is as good as a  Mr.  9.  You can’t teach an old dog new  Math 10.>>>

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Laughing your way to good health and fitness

  Laughing your way to good health and fitness Laughing your way to good health and fitness.  It’s said that children laugh on average 30 times per day but by the time we’ve reached adulthood we’ve reduced our giggles to only three per day… if we’re lucky!  So what, you might say, what’s there to laugh at?  Well, it’s not just a case of what is there to laugh at, but what happens when we forget to laugh… basically, life becomes a drudge. After all, if you’re happy you will find humour everywhere you turn, but yes; sometimes it is hard to be happy. The sad part of all this is that by focusing on all the bad news we see and hear day in day out, it becomes very difficult to raise a smile. So it might be time to rise above the doom and gloom, turn the TV off and pick>>>

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THE OLDER CROWD

  THE OLDER CROWD   A distraught senior citizen Phoned her doctor’s office. ‘Is it true,’ she wanted to know, ‘that the medication You prescribed has to be taken For the rest of my life?’ ‘Yes, I’m afraid so,’ the doctor told her. There was a moment of  silence Before the senior lady replied, ‘I’m wondering, then, Just how serious is my condition Because this  prescription is marked ‘NO REPEATS’. *********************** An older gentleman was On the operating table Awaiting surgery And he insisted that his son, A renowned surgeon, Perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, He asked to speak to his  son. ‘Yes, Dad, what is it? ‘ ‘Don’t be nervous, son; Do your best And just remember, If it doesn’t go well  , If something happens to me… Your mother Is going to come and Live with you and your wife.’        >>>

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SCARY ~ CNN News photographer

SCARY ~ CNN News photographer His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, ‘Let’s go’. The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, ‘Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.’ ‘Why?’ asked the pilot. ‘Because I! ‘m a photographer for CNN News,’ he responded, ‘and I need to get some close up shots.’ The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, ‘So, what you’re telling me, is . .>>>

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Perspective

  Perspective  Perspective ….One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, ‘How was the trip?’ ‘It was great, Dad.’ ‘Did you see how poor people live?’ the father asked. ‘Oh yeah,’ said the son. ‘So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?’ asked the father The son answered: ‘I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches>>>

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